Money

It doesn't grow on trees. It makes the world go 'round. It's not everything.

People without money come up with the daftest things.

Richard Branson, Chairman of Virgin Group, doesn't sit at home, feeling glad about how rich he is, in spirit. He sits at home on his chair made of bank-notes and eats pound coins like they were mint imperials!

Bill Gates, former CEO of Microsoft, gets showered in the water caused by compressing fifteen thousand dollars in one-dollar notes. The machine used to compress this money enough to extract showering-water, costs two million dollars to run. He showers twice daily.

There's even an entire country where everybody has millions of dollars! Of course, that country is Zimbabwe, so that's not a good thing... But if they ever need a tourism boom, just call on the Quadrillionaires (in Zimbabwe) Bill Gates and Richard Branson to inject some cash into the country.

For the rest of us, who make little-to-no money doing basic, everyday jobs... There's always the Lottery.

"Zombies A-OK" Sais PM

Gordon 'Have they forgotten about the economic crisis yet?' Brown announced at a press conference earlier today that Zombies are welcome in Britain. Believing the walking dead to be the shot in the arm the UK needs, breeding some lifeblood back into homegrown industry. Brown went on to say:

"...Any and all Dead or Undead people wishing to seek asylum in the UK from today will be fast tracked into the country and allocated employment based on Key factors of Ability, Decomposition, Temperament and Odour"

The government advisers that have spearheaded the incentive have been subject to harsh criticism by un-undead activists, the chairperson for The Z.E.B.N.G. (Zombies Eat Brains, Not Good) Jennifer Fenginschiefer released this statement

"We strongly oppose any and all plans to willingly introduce the undead into an uncontained environment, Several of our members have been subject to brutal and discriminatory attacks from these "Zombies". This is a foolish move that will backfire"

When faced with these comments and government spokesperson responded with this statement:

"Waaah waaah! poor baby-diddums got eaten by a zombie. Waaah!" whilst rubbing their eyes in an overly exaggerated fashion.

A spokesperson from the Z.A.P.T. (Zombies Are People Too) had this to say:
"Braaains Gnaugghhh... Rugh nugh HNNNNUGRGR! Ghnurrgh rugnhg fuuuughhg.."

We then hired a translator whom told us he had this to say:

"We feel that the Zombie population as a whole has been uncategorically generalised by the ferals among us, and that, with proper controlled exposure we can contribute to the rich and varied cultural tapestry of Britain"

Industry leaders have shown interest in the cost saving elements of the undead vs. living, whilst Union leaders are expressing concerns on the Health and Safety and unemployment issues surrounding the incentive. Both have refused to comment at this time.